Love relationship

 

Love relationship

 Every couple is different. Each one, with its qualities, its defects, its education and its experiences nourishes a unique love story. While there is no predefined path for building a loving relationship, it seems that all couples, without exception, go through three distinct stages, more or less long: passion, differentiation and commitment. Here are their characteristics.

Passion

This is the beginning of the relationship, when the two lovers are one (at least, believe they are one). This phase of passion and fusion, also called honeymoon, is cloudless. Passionate love is characterized by intense emotions related to the new. This feeling of well-being that comes from the presence of the other person is predominant in the relationship. On a daily basis, this translates into a feeling of lack at the slightest separation, a strong physical attraction that generates a permanent desire for the other (and therefore a lot of sex), mutual admiration and idealization of the loved one. This idealization is blinding in the sense that it prevents one from seeing reality. Thus, the two members of the couple can only see each other through their qualities. During the fusional phase, there is never any question of the defects of the other because we unconsciously refuse to see them.

This step is very important because it allows the two lovers to create a bond between them. Each one discovers the joys of the couple: the sharing of intense moments together, the sexual pleasure tenfold with the feelings, the tenderness, the loving complicity.

But beware, the passion phase does not reflect reality because the couple is idealized. This is why it is ephemeral. It would last between one and three years. So make the most of it!

The differentiation

After the fusion, comes the defusion! This step is inevitable since life brings back to reality very quickly: I realize that the other is different from me and that he or she has behaviors that I can't stand. The two members of the couple become one, but two! We talk about defusion because each one tries to exist as an individual and no longer as a couple. We go from idealization to disillusionment. The descent is more painful for those who seek to remain in the fusion, than for those who express their desire for independence. The former feels abandoned, when the other feels suffocated.

Difficult to live through, the phase of differentiation can lead to rupture, but fortunately it is not insurmountable for all couples. It is indeed a test to know if the couple is gone to last. To overcome it, everyone must accept the idea that the love relationship is made up of ups and downs. But above all, each one must live outside the couple by allowing themselves activities with other people, and then find themselves better off as a couple. Finally, communication should not be neglected within the couple because this stage is punctuated by doubts and misunderstandings.

Commitment

If your couple has survived the phase of differentiation, it is because you are ready (both of you) to get involved in this relationship and that you have accepted the other with his or her qualities and faults. The time has come to make plans together (vacations, cohabitation, marriage...) to maintain the couple. The passionate love of the beginnings has been transformed into affectionate love, more solid and more perennial. This does not prevent arguments, but they are less intense than before because the relationship is more mature: the couple is not questioned at the slightest disagreement because everyone makes efforts and knows that love is strong enough to survive storms. On the condition that they trust each other and always respect each other.

Like all stages of the love relationship, commitment also has its drawbacks. The risk is to fall into a routine that puts the couple to sleep. Indeed, love affection can become boring if it is not embellished with passionate moments and novelties. This is why it is important to never take the couple for granted and to stay out of their comfort zone, especially when you have children. The couple should never be forgotten in favor of the family. Programming moments together and discovering new horizons as a couple are two essential things to maintain the love story. Finding the right balance between passionate love and rational love remains the key to a lasting relationship.